Delayed Grief
by amethyst-key
Summary: He had wanted to apologize to her for leaving without a word, for abandoning her and Marlene and Denzel, but the words hadn't come and he had begun to think that, maybe, showing her without words would be enough. Obviously, he'd been wrong. Cloud/Tifa


**A/N: **This is a get well fic for a friend on LJ who has been stressed out with school and hasn't feeling well. (I hope that this cheers you up!)

**A/N 2: **I would like to thank Qwi-Xux for betaing and nudging me in the direction I needed to go to finish this. Many thanks!

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Cloud found her after a delivery, his attention drawn to the small sobbing sounds behind the counter the moment he walked through the doors to the bar. She was sitting on the hardwood floor, knees drawn up to her chest, hands clamped over her mouth, and tears streaming down her face, and his heart stopped for a moment before he bounded forward in panic. With a thud, his knees hit the ground beside her and he grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Tifa?" he asked, trying to turn her towards him. "What's wrong?"

When she didn't reply, his fingers tightened on her arms. "Tifa?"

A broken sob passed through clenched, trembling hands and she ducked her head.

He pried her fingers away from her mouth and cupped her face in his palms. "Tifa, what happened?"

_If someone had hurt her… if something had happened while he was gone…_

When she spoke, her words were choked and garbled.

"What?" he asked, feeling her hands clench in his vest.

"You left me," she replied in a broken voice, not raising her head as the tears came harder. "You left me and the kids and you didn't say anything."

Almost a week had passed since he, Tifa, and the children had returned to Seventh Heaven from Aerith's church, and the guilt that had threatened to consume him rose up to claw at his chest. Both of the kids had been ecstatic to have him back. Marlene had spent the entire trip home chattering excitedly about all that he had missed, while Denzel had been more content to listen and only periodically interject.

With her normal grace, Tifa had stood to the side, the usual smile on her lips. On the surface, she had seemed fine, as strong and constant as ever… but after the put the children to bed, made their way down the stairs, and stopped in front of the door to her room, he had noticed how her smile faltered and her eyes went dark with fear and worry when she turned to him.

"Good night, Cloud. See you in the morning." It had been phrased like a question.

His mouth had opened to reassure her that he would be there when she and the children woke, that he wasn't going to leave, but words failed him. "Tifa… I-"

Silence had passed between them for several long moments before he had said the only thing he could think of. "Yes."

She had peeked up at him through thick lashes, her eyes still filled with unease before she turned to her door. "Good night, Cloud."

It hadn't been until she had closed the door that he replied. "Good night, Tifa."

When she had awoken the next day, he was there. She had found him in the kitchen, burning something that look vaguely like pancakes, while the children giggled from their places at the table. Tifa had rushed into the room, rescuing the pan of smoke from Cloud's hands and dumping the blackened circles into the garbage.

Sheepishly, Cloud had stood aside as she restarted breakfast, scratching the back of his head. "Sorry."

The next day when she had woken up, he had been there… as well as next, and the next, and the next, and the next.

Every night, he told her that he would see her tomorrow, and every morning, he always made sure to rise before her. He had seen the fear in her eyes that first night, and he wanted her to know that he wasn't going anywhere. When he organized for deliveries, he made sure to sit in the bar, or where she was at, not so much to keep her company, but so she knew that he was there. He'd leave things around the house – his boots, First Tsurugi, things that he would leave without – so she and the children knew that he wasn't gone.

He had wanted to apologize to her for leaving without a word, for abandoning her and Marlene and Denzel, but the words hadn't come and he had begun to think that, maybe, showing her without words would be enough.

Finding Tifa had made him realize that wouldn't be enough, and he kicked himself for assuming so.

"Tifa… I'm sorry," he offered lamely.

Gods, she deserved so much more than that.

"I'm so sorry that I left."

She shook her head and through her ragged sob, he heard her say, "I thought that you didn't want us. Then, when I saw that bandage in the church… when I realized that you had geostigma…"

Cloud's heart sank further. By now, Tifa's crying had tapered and she began to wipe the tears from her face.

"I didn't want you to have to take care of me."

"So you left?" she demanded angrily.

"I thought it would be better."

The fingers clenched in his vest flattened and pushed him away. "Well, you thought wrong. We were a family, Cloud, and people in families are supposed to help and take care of each other!"

_Were._ She was talking about them like they weren't together anymore… like they weren't a family.

"I didn't want you three to watch me waste away," he confessed, his eyes falling to the floor. "I never not wanted you."

Denzel was already so ill, how would he react to his hero falling to the same disease? They had always told him to keep hoping, that Cloud was still looking for a cure… how could he destroy his hope like that? Marlene was so young and had already lost so much, and had so many responsibilities helping take care of Denzel; he didn't want her to go through something like that again.

As for Tifa… it had hurt him so much to know that he had left her. When he found out that he had the stigma, he thought back to Mideel and what she had done for him, how she had sat by his bedside, taken care of him, placed her hopes and heart in the belief that he would be okay… all the while laying aside her needs to attend to his. How could let her go through again?

He had left to save them pain, to save them from a hope that would only make the hurt so much harder and worse to deal with in the end.

Tentatively, he reached forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened, but didn't resist as he pulled her close. Cradling her to his shoulder, he ran his hand over her hair, smoothing down the strands that had come out of place.

"I wanted to protect you and keep you all from hurting." Obviously, he'd failed at that. "I didn't want you to hope and be hurt in the end. I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry."

Tifa was strength. No matter what the situation, no matter what the problem was, he knew that he could always rely on her when he thought he couldn't go on. Despite her insecurities and self-doubts, she stood tall in adversity and protected those she cared about even if it meant putting herself in danger. For her to cry, it meant she was really and truly hurt. And Cloud hated that he was the one who had hurt her.

When she didn't reply, he reached down and tilted her face up to meet his. "Tifa, I'm not going to leave you or the kids. You don't have to trust me now… but after a while, could you try?"

She searched his face – he hoped she saw his sincerity – before nodding. "Okay."

He gave her a small, rare smile in gratitude and she leaned back against his shoulder. They sat in silence for several minutes until Tifa's eyes closed and she relaxed in his arms. Shifting, he wrapped one arm under her knees and placed the other around her waist. As quietly as he could, he made his way upstairs and laid her on her bed. After removing her shoes, he leaned down and pressed his lips to her forehead.

He'd gain back her trust, no matter what or how long it took.


End file.
